2015 August

17/8/15

My meditation sessions were interrupted by a house move, but I still maintained a very strong sense of their importance. I will soon have a very daily reminder to focus on what's really important, as I'm shaving off my hair today.

I want to take a moment to be clear as to why I'm doing this, and what it means to me.

I'm shaving my head because:

• it shows support for my sister-in-law who is undergoing chemotherapy and has lost her hair
• I am raising money for the charity she is being supported by, Penny Brohn. My donation page is at www.justgiving.com/heidihollis
• I want to give myself a release from people's expectations of me, of my own past patterns -- do a bit of starting fresh
• I want a daily reminder that in the end, 'It's not about me.' There is humility built into this act -- a shedding of appearances, a letting go of vanity, a reminder to focus on things that transcend day to day concerns -- the things that really matter like relationships, and the meaning we give to ourselves and our actions
• I want a daily reminder that taking care of my spirit is much more important than taking care of my appearance. This is about as close as I'll get to being a nun! 

I am somewhat fearful that my history will follow me more than I wish it to, but that too is part of the journey. I have noticed recently how much my vocal/emotional pattern sends messages of expectation to others -- that I'm coming to them already expecting they will do what I want. It's not all about me. They get to choose. And if they don't get to choose, I shouldn't be the factor that inhibits them. 

2015 May and June

1/6/15

I've had a recent 'renewal' of energy behind my mindfulness practice. Various other competing factors in my life have (by careful decision-making) begun to get less pressing and/or been ranked as less important, and I've therefore recovered a better balance of time to put into mindfulness practice. I've suddenly got headspace that I haven't had in years.

It all started one week when I decided to try and do both some yoga and some meditation everyday. At least 15 mins of each. And over the past couple of weeks, I haven't missed a day. And the fact I haven't missed a day (though am sometimes doing the yoga at 11.55pm) inspires me to continue not missing a day.

I have found as a result that I am more able to hear what others are really saying to me, happier in myself, more able to cope with difficult emotions, generally less stressed, etc. Life is good!

Currently my meditation takes this pattern:

• 5 mins to clear the decks and check in with myself and my weather pattern
• 5 mins breathing awareness
• 5 mins focussing on my own well-being (eg. May I be safe and free from suffering, may I be as happy and as health as it is possible to be, may I have ease of being.) 
• 5 mins focussing on other's well-being (eg. the same but applied to husband or others). 

This seems to work well for me and is leading me to new insights. For example, I've realised that my main purpose in my marriage is to help make my husband's life happier. If I speak to him in a way that is bound to increase his unhappiness, I am failing to give him what he deserves in our relationship. 

A LOT of new thoughts and patterns emerging. Exciting to see where they will take me.