1/6/14
Homework this week:
- Body Scan meditation (track 2) twice a day
- Routine activity mindfully: showering
- Habit releaser: go for a walk (and be observant/mindful)
- Ten Finger Gratitudes
Thoughts from book:
- what activities, things or people make life feel good? knitting, sewing, cooking, pretending with girls
- when pleasant activities present themselves:
- be aware of body sensations
- be aware of thoughts
- be aware of feelings
Day One:
Body scan this morning productive -- good to try this again. Don't think it's connected but body has felt achy all day -- a bit like when you have a fever, so may be catching a bug. Fell asleep tonight though -- focus needs work.
Didn't shower.
Ten gratitudes: good health, sunshine, WHC farm, friends B and A, chicken pot pie, pastry, cookies, calm husband, forgiving daughter, dishwashers.
Already finding some connections sometimes between how body feels and thoughts preceding. Somewhat helped by the fact that I have felt my body complaining today, though I notice it complains more when I have thoughts like 'this isn't what I want to be happening' or 'this is too hard, and I don't like it' or 'why does this bad thing happen to me today when I don't feel I can cope with it?' I think I probably have these thoughts a lot. Hoping to react to them better as time goes on and hope this week helps that process.
Day two:
Felt pretty ill most of the day - achy and fevery. Did morning body scan but fairly sleepy.
Day three:
Still not 100% but did morning scan in bed - bed is not v comfortable. Shower managed some mindfulness. Evening - buzzing as feels like illness now past. Whole body felt twitchy during scan so hard to lie still.
Ten gratitudes: carpets, cats, braided hair, my mum, students worth my effort, tidy bedroom, a good book, anticipation, lemon cookies, strawberries.
Day Four:
Got up a little late so did track 1 meditation from last week -- useful to recap this as realised how much more I can tap into certain areas of the body quickly, mostly due to the body scan I imagine. Also finding that I feel much more conscious and alert while driving, which actually feels like I should panic because if I'm paying such close attention then something must be about to go wrong! But on reflection, I think this is just being more alert and.... mindful! about my driving, my surroundings, about my choices on the road. Useful. Didn't manage evening meditation as stayed up late watching film with husband.
Day Five:
Got up late again -- and it felt rather pointless, selfish, unproductive. Still did body scan though, and glad I did. Feels I am able to stay focussed for longer and didn't drift off as much this time. About the time I was congratulating myself on this I then missed the whole section of face/head. Ha! Nevermind. I am starting to see how many negative thoughts I have. Just now I was looking out my window and watched some people cross the road. I don't know them. But thoughts of jealousy, superiority, instantly crossed my mind. Where does that come from? Emotionally and intellectually I know I'm no better than anyone else out there. And I'm a big one for giving people a chance even when they've messed up. But actually I am so insulated in my own cocoon of a world and queen of my little domain that it becomes hard to see other people as relevant. Yesterday when driving at a time of day I never get out, I was stunned at how many people were out driving, walking, cycling etc. --- there is so much 'world' that goes on without me knowing. I wondered where they were going.... to a party? to the pub? to spend time with friends? home for dinner? to a club or activity? I am jealous of that.
Also I have notice how angry I am. I don't know where this anger is coming from or what I should do with it just yet. It feels general as if life has dealt me a hard hand. Maybe I need to re-examine what I want out of life right now in terms of family/work/life balance. I don't like being angry.
Body scan late evening - restless and hard to focus. Felt twitchy.
Day Four:
Got up a little late so did track 1 meditation from last week -- useful to recap this as realised how much more I can tap into certain areas of the body quickly, mostly due to the body scan I imagine. Also finding that I feel much more conscious and alert while driving, which actually feels like I should panic because if I'm paying such close attention then something must be about to go wrong! But on reflection, I think this is just being more alert and.... mindful! about my driving, my surroundings, about my choices on the road. Useful. Didn't manage evening meditation as stayed up late watching film with husband.
Day Five:
Got up late again -- and it felt rather pointless, selfish, unproductive. Still did body scan though, and glad I did. Feels I am able to stay focussed for longer and didn't drift off as much this time. About the time I was congratulating myself on this I then missed the whole section of face/head. Ha! Nevermind. I am starting to see how many negative thoughts I have. Just now I was looking out my window and watched some people cross the road. I don't know them. But thoughts of jealousy, superiority, instantly crossed my mind. Where does that come from? Emotionally and intellectually I know I'm no better than anyone else out there. And I'm a big one for giving people a chance even when they've messed up. But actually I am so insulated in my own cocoon of a world and queen of my little domain that it becomes hard to see other people as relevant. Yesterday when driving at a time of day I never get out, I was stunned at how many people were out driving, walking, cycling etc. --- there is so much 'world' that goes on without me knowing. I wondered where they were going.... to a party? to the pub? to spend time with friends? home for dinner? to a club or activity? I am jealous of that.
Also I have notice how angry I am. I don't know where this anger is coming from or what I should do with it just yet. It feels general as if life has dealt me a hard hand. Maybe I need to re-examine what I want out of life right now in terms of family/work/life balance. I don't like being angry.
Body scan late evening - restless and hard to focus. Felt twitchy.
Day six:
Have seen a connection between this practice and the Seven Habits (Covey) which I am also doing a little study on at present. His first habit, be proactive, is a lot about being alert, awake, ready to see what needs to be done, and clearing obstacles out of the way and getting on with it. I find this connection alarming at first, but actually now rather obvious. Also, habit to, begin with the end in mind, and habit three, put first things first are also both about having mental clarity. Mental traffic jams must account for a huge amount of unproductivity for me (and others).
Body scan this morning was good - my mind mostly seems active on problem solving type activities. Have also noticed I have poor acceptance levels generally. For example, I will walk into a room and notice the things I am dissatisfied with and start to blame someone, or begin to feel angry. If a room is a mess, I get unhappy. This is a shame as rooms are very often (nearly always) messy in my life.
Evening body scan.... a phrase jumps out at me... not sure why I haven't noticed it before. 'Letting go of the tendency to want things to be a certain way..... accepting things just as we find them.' Wow I really need to work on that. This doesn't mean that things are how you want them to be, but it means that the negative emotional response is sort of cut out of the picture because you're looking to accept the situation AS IT IS and move on to decide how you will act. This is strong stuff.
Day Seven:
Body scan both morning and night. Was quite tired by evening. Feel more present in myself. Kevin has also commented. I have more distance from my anger now, and also some distance at my intolerance of things not being what I want them to be. Mostly feel disappointment..... in situations, in my response, in my overloaded expectations.... hard to explain but most of what I feel is disappointment. I focus on feelings a lot..... feel the need to step back from feelings as well and let the 'traffic' of the mind go past me.
Weekly round up:
Have done ok with mindful showering..... often thinking about the day ahead but I also enjoy my routine of washing. Haven't done brilliantly at gratitudes.... will carry that over to next week. Have tried to enjoy nice moments of life more and let them breathe a little bit. I think the girls are noticing that I'm less frantic.... they are asking me to come play with them more which probably means I feel more available to them. Looking forward to seeing what the book has to offer this week. Did go for two short walks but wasn't terribly mindful experience. Hoping to do something this week with a bit more purpose in that regard.
I also feel my communication channels opening up more with others around me.
Let's see what next week brings.
Body scan this morning was good - my mind mostly seems active on problem solving type activities. Have also noticed I have poor acceptance levels generally. For example, I will walk into a room and notice the things I am dissatisfied with and start to blame someone, or begin to feel angry. If a room is a mess, I get unhappy. This is a shame as rooms are very often (nearly always) messy in my life.
Evening body scan.... a phrase jumps out at me... not sure why I haven't noticed it before. 'Letting go of the tendency to want things to be a certain way..... accepting things just as we find them.' Wow I really need to work on that. This doesn't mean that things are how you want them to be, but it means that the negative emotional response is sort of cut out of the picture because you're looking to accept the situation AS IT IS and move on to decide how you will act. This is strong stuff.
Day Seven:
Body scan both morning and night. Was quite tired by evening. Feel more present in myself. Kevin has also commented. I have more distance from my anger now, and also some distance at my intolerance of things not being what I want them to be. Mostly feel disappointment..... in situations, in my response, in my overloaded expectations.... hard to explain but most of what I feel is disappointment. I focus on feelings a lot..... feel the need to step back from feelings as well and let the 'traffic' of the mind go past me.
Weekly round up:
Have done ok with mindful showering..... often thinking about the day ahead but I also enjoy my routine of washing. Haven't done brilliantly at gratitudes.... will carry that over to next week. Have tried to enjoy nice moments of life more and let them breathe a little bit. I think the girls are noticing that I'm less frantic.... they are asking me to come play with them more which probably means I feel more available to them. Looking forward to seeing what the book has to offer this week. Did go for two short walks but wasn't terribly mindful experience. Hoping to do something this week with a bit more purpose in that regard.
I also feel my communication channels opening up more with others around me.
Let's see what next week brings.
No comments:
Post a Comment