Week Eight: Your Wild and Precious Life

27/8/14
Read this chapter quickly and it seems to bring me right back where I started - knowing the aims of my mindfulness practice are rooted in better relationships with husband and kids, more efficient work, reducing stress, anxiety and emotional volatility, and enhancing awareness, joy and focus.

Pleased to see no prescription for going forward. Will try my week as planned of Sounds and Thoughts plus Befriending and then move on to my own formula after that. Will report back when appropriate!

Small side note -- I was glad to read about stopping to enjoy completeness. I crave this and will do it well. :)

28/8/14

Had a brilliant revelation tonight.

Today on the beach the cousins and husband constructed a barrier against the incoming tide - a hole in which one could stand and watch the surf surround you but not touch you. They built it up high on all sides, but once the sea reached it, it took only a couple of minutes for the whole structure to be compromised by the relentless rush of water.

While meditating it struck me -- nearly every problem I face is like that fortress and the incoming tide. I can spend time trying to solve the problem by building my defence higher, or I can accept the situation and trust that, although uncomfortable, the tide of time will solve it. For example - husband is in a weird mood and very defensive and argumentative. I can either complain bitterly at how harshly he treats me and 'push back' with my own negativity justified by his poor communication pattern, or I can ensure I communicate well and wait for him to sort his own shit out.

Feel this rounds off my experience of Penman's book beautifully. I am taking great pride and sense of accomplishment in having completed the course with a plan for further 'being'.

Hats off --- here I go on a less guided experiment.

1/9/14
Sounds and Thoughts plus Befriending working well enough, but I crave moving on to a less guided meditation, so going to work on
-- 5 mins looking at my weather pattern,
-- 5 mins breath awareness and linking into body sensations,
-- 5 mins focus on practising compassion to myself.

10/9/14
The pattern above is working, but I want to flesh it out further. I think there is a decision point when I reach the first stage -- what do I find in my body and mind in the first 5 mins? Then there is an opportunity to choose what happens next... work with a difficulty, etc. I think I'll try this now:
-- 5 mins looking at my weather pattern, choosing what to work with (sounds, difficulty, body awareness)
-- 5 mins breath awareness to prepare and 'clear the decks',
-- 5 mins focus on either body scan, sounds and thoughts, working with difficulty
-- 5 (or more) mins loving kindness for myself and others.

I'm also keen to print off some of my insights from week 7 and have those more to hand.

I have also been continuing working on Covey's Seven Habits, and have become very interested in the Personality ethic vs. Character ethic. I have ordered Benjamin Franklin's autobiography as I think it is a great way to reconnect with my heritage while at the same time think more about character and what I want to cultivate in myself and in my kids. I'm considering having a 'value for the month' focus, and I think I'll put these on a separate blog. Each should provide me with some 'food' for meditation and focus for improving myself, which I seem to need badly at present!

It's been very useful to take some time to reflect on how I want to move forward and how I want to structure my meditation time. Hoping this takes off and I can make it a very clear and disciplined journey.

Week Seven: When did you stop Dancing?

26/8/14
Have read some of this chapter and it feels familiar territory.

Nourishing and depleting activities exercise

D -- working at my desk - answering emails, making phone calls, doing admin
D -- getting girls ready for nursery
N -- yoga
N -- meditating
D -- online food shopping and meal planning
D -- tidying/washing up
N -- cooking or baking
N -- reading/listening to self-help books/material
N -- messaging family
D -- sorting out diary for the family
D -- working at s/c
N -- organising costumes or sewing
N -- reading a novel
N/D -- playing/shopping/caring for girls

Be present: work at being present with the things I find/ depleting so that I can mindfully continue to make decisions about what I want on those circumstances. Eg. Going on windy beach with girls even thou I really didn't want too -- staying present helped me to gain what I could, give to them, and find balance.

5 ways to achieve better balance
1. Take a break every two hours when working- do three minute breathing space followed by a five minute activity from below three options **
2. Aim to wrap up early - don't work to the last second
3. Keep doing morning yoga
4. Keep doing evening meditation
5. Keep one hour free on monday evenings for nourishing activities

When motivation is low, drop into body to see how mood is affecting or is reflected in body sensations.

Suggested pattern for this week is to choose two meditations to work with. Likely this would serve me well for getting back into normal life after holiday. My choices are Befriending and Sounds and Thoughts. Also want to keep working on Breathing Space.

**1. Something pleasurable
Caring for body - bath, shave, nail polish, cut nails, brush hair, body creme/lotion, foot massage, eat something nice, cup of tea, cool drink, yoga stretch, sit in silence, look out window for awhile, meditate on a nice picture, wear Jewellery,
Activities - knitting, baking, cooking, talking to a friend, read a book, Facebook, TV,

2. Mastery or achievement:
Tidying, organising, cleaning, diary something nice, solve a problem, pay a bill,

3. Be more mindful in next activity (eg of trigger below)

Mindfulness bells or triggers:

• Preparing food - Any food preparation is a great opportunity for mindfulness— vision, hearing, taste, smell, touch. Focus on the feel of the knife as it slices through vegetables of different texture, or the smell released as each vegetable is chopped.

• Eating - Try having part of a meal in silence or without the distraction of TV or the radio. Really focus on the food— colors, shapes, perhaps thinking about how this food came to you, the sensations of eating. See how easily you taste the first mouthful and no other. What does the fourth mouthful taste like?

• Washing the dishes - A great opportunity for exploring sensations, constantly coming back to the present moment, rinsing this dish, water flowing, sensation of temperature, etc.

• Driving - Be aware of deciding where to focus your mind while you are driving. If you decide to focus on the upcoming meeting, etc., know that this is the decision you have made. If you decide to make your primary focus something other than the actual driving, notice how quickly you can shift driving into the foreground of your attention when the situation demands. Notice if you are leaving the actual act of driving too much in the background of your attention! Take some of your driving time to make your primary focus the driving— all the sensations, the movement of your hands, feet and so on, the visual scanning you are doing, the shifting of your vision from close up to far away and so on.

• Walking Pay - attention to the actual sensations of walking; notice when the mind goes elsewhere and come back to “just walking.”

• Become a model citizen! - When crossing the street, use the pedestrian signals as an opportunity to stand quietly and focus on your breath, rather than an opportunity to try to beat the lights. Red lights An opportunity to sit quietly, peacefully and be aware of your breath.

• Listening - When you are listening, notice when you are not listening— when you start to think of something else, what you are going to say in response, etc. Come back to actually listening.

27/8/14
Found myself using breathing space today a few times (just mentally as I went along, not stopping activity but finding a gap). It was really useful for calming down elevated emotional states which I seem to get into regularly. First evening on Sounds and Thoughts followed by Befriending --- a good combination for me at the moment. Also really working on just being rather than doing meditation.

Week Six: Trapped in the Past or Living in the Present

6/7/14
Notes from reading:

• dangerous mind pattern: 'I can't change. Whatever this issue is I'm dealing with, I'm stuck with it forever because it's going to be a permanent problem.'

Day One

I find coming back to the Loving Kindness meditation after a break of 3+ years very important ..... I think I easily forget to love myself and must work on this in order to love others.  I also realise I have a connection to one of my daughters that is deep and somehow different to the other .... I feel one will cope with suffering better than the other though of course would never wish suffering on either. This is good mental work for me to be doing. 

6/7/14
Exercise on P 190

-- Happy: I was very happy when I got the news that I would be studying abroad on a scholarship.

-- Bored: I was bored while interviewing someone I knew I would not be hiring.

-- Relieved: I was relieved when my daughters wasp sting to the mouth did not develop into a serious allergic reaction.

-- Hopeless: I felt hopeless when I was late for my doctor's appointment.

-- Excited: I felt excited the day of my prenatal scan.

-- Failure: I felt like a failure the day I attended a meeting and broke down in tears in front of the MD.

-- Lonely: I felt lonely when I boarded the plane without the rest of my family.

-- Sad: I felt sad the day I heard my brother's wife was leaving him.

-- Lucky: I felt lucky the day I learned for sure that I was pregnant.

-- Relaxed: I felt relaxed while on holiday in Majorca.





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23/8/14

Much time has passed.

Althought i have not kept up with the weekly planned progress, i have dipped into the book more and done a fair bit of meditation here and there.

Times when I'm really busy are hardest because I find it so hard to find a slot or tear myself away long enough to calm down to meditate. I've even been exhausted to the point of regularly falling asleep in the girls' room as they are falling asleep. But I still know the benefits and am determined to make it a regular habit. I have been very good at cutting down on overall alcohol intake and very rarely have any prior to meditating.

I am worried that my busyness is detrimental... yes something needs to be done practically to give myself more margin and breathing space, but I also need to get out of the mental trap of it feeling like a relentless grind - that I am trapped by it and unable to get out of it.

The focus on the present moment and working on breathing through one task at a time is really key
I think.


I was struck tonight while meditating that i do not want to be the cause of someone else's unhappiness. Now sometimes it's unavoidable, for example when I need to fire someone. That's likely to make them unhappy even if it is the right decision. However, if my being unsettled and working on my limit of patience results in me speaking to others in an angry or sharp tone, I've infected someone else with my negative baggage and dented their happiness. I probably do this a lot. I need to rein it in. I need to be at peace with my emotions and dwell with them without spreading them around like little grenades.


24/8/14

I have begun working through all 8 meditations at least once for each this week.

Did track 1 yesterday, track 2 this morning and tracks 3-4 this evening. I found the movement meditation strange this time - it seemed to me that it was hard to tune in to the after effects of each stretch. Not sure what this says except I am not very settled in my body, so continuing yoga in the mornings is important. I am finding it easier to tune in to my breath recently.

Looking forward to rediscovering the sounds meditation. Might have to go in a grassy field for that one.


25/8/14


Sounds and thoughts was hard. I think I am run down enough that I find it hard to hear well, if that makes sense. Not sure why that makes sense in my head but probably trying to understand why it is hard. I feel like I'm at a funfair full of distractions and bright lights and noise and social demands and all I want to do is lock myself in a dark room for a week. Baking helps. Husband commented I am emotionally distant and seem to be pushing him away. Don't really have energy to spend but at the same time really want to cultivate a good relationship with him.


26/8/14


Did the Working with Difficulty section again tonight, so tracks 4, 5,  and 6.

Found using the technique of bringing difficulty to mind and then focussing on body sensations especially effective. Tonight worked with feelings of anger and frustration I have with a relative. By the end I wouldn't say these feelings were resolved at all, but I felt much more distance from them and more able to keep thoughtful distance. They didn't seem to matter so much any more. Looking forward to reading more about the end of the programme and suggested ways forward. I have in mind to develop my own programme which might go something like this:
-- 5 mins looking at my weather pattern,
-- 5mins breath awareness,
-- 5 mins focus on either body scan, sounds and thoughts, working with difficulty, or practising compassion to myself,
-- optional additional 5 mins to add another or same of those options,
-- and 5 mins loving kindness to round it off.
Might be trying to achieve too much there....... not sure. Will see what Penman recommends.


As I've spent a good amount of time on befriending over the past month or so, I'm now moving on to week 7.